They say, a good blogger self markets his blog by linking back to other posts when appropriate. I thought I would give it a whirl and see if I could be appropriate.
It was after A Father’s Day when I Got This Pain in my Stomach. I was minding my own business, just Me being Me, when it happened.
My name is Alex, and this pain started on my Bow and Arrow Adventure. I was Traveling Along when I had a series of 17 Accidents, I know that’s a lot and quiet a Conundrum. Since then I have had time to reflect on this Tragedy. I am pretty sure all of the accidents were the result of my Mid Life Crisis.
I know you are thinking, Tell me Everything. So here goes. This little crisis all happened on the weekend that the Animal Death Policy was announced at the Super Bowl by a bunch of Lazy Bad Men who thought they had Really Big Weighty News.
When my Aunt Ruth and Uncle Carl heard about the accidents and they started Thinking and saying it was A Sign from God and that It was a Miracle, but that was a Tactical Error on their part. You see a Rat Attack rarely happens except when An Angel with Wrinkles stops by. But, it was no angel, it was just one of my Blogger Buddies who BTW is The Cool Optimist, from the reality TV show, Milk those Cows, who had recently come back from hearing a lecture where Max Aswell Speaks regularly on “Happy Marriage – Top 10 Male Traits Needed.”
If I had been more Faithful and Consistent and not been Checking Out, along with The Foolish Atheist, the hip hop group Boy’s Water and Mud, I probably wouldn’t have tripped over Bad Grayquill Working Step 5 (accident #2) that resulted in a Hole in My Sock, where my Toe Nails stuck out, and I ended up with a few more Dead Brain Cells.
Mr E who happened along about then had the nerve to ask me, “Son, Is That Shirt Dirty?”
“Well, of course it’s dirty! I just fell and landed on a Depraved Troll (accident #6). I understand Young Folks at Times Need Old Folks but seriously did he not know this was not one of those times? Did he not see this was a time when a person should be quiet, and Mow Your Own Grass? That reminds me Goldie liked rolling in the grass along with My Neighbor Jerry who was one of those Smart People – sorry for the tangent.
The way Mr. E looked at me you would have thought Uncle Thoughtful – Jujitsu Warrior, who is Crazier Than Scaditch, had just told A Pig Story. But, after a long stare down, Mr. E returned to his Homemade Ice Cream at Seat 13D. By then it was 12:10 AM and I saw that Mr. E’s Giant Ears had scraped the Refrigerator Doors as he looked closely at A Child’s Christmas List taped to the door facing. The list was written after A Child’s Prayer. One might ask, Why We Write such lists but that is kind of like the question, Why Fish? I know this is all beginning to sound like Random Ramblings and I am pretty sure My Great Liberal Brother is the only one who cares. So I am trying to be careful and avoid a 28 Story Misspeak and as you all know that is hard for me to avoid without my Nose Spray.
I finally went to the doctor for an xray about the pain in my side and the doc told me that Broken Ribs are Such a Pain and that I needed to cancel my Bare Stomach Volleyball tournament.
The Very Bad Scary News is now I will be Sitting Around in My Underwear and that sight will make grown Men Cry.
I could tell you more about this pain in my side but I only have So Many Stories and besides Mr. Blunt Edges - I think I Hate You. Did you see and hear that Lighting Flash and Thunder Roll? It was probably caused from some Blissful Mountain Love by a couple of Christians That Are Just Plain Irritating wearing My Hat. Hmmm…. I think It’s a Miracle and their First Kiss.
I guess this story was light on plot, so we will end strong with a great lesson. Always remember, When The Bright Side of Blogging fades and When The Path is Dark and the ladies don’t find you Handsome and Handy try some Self Dentistry and if that doesn’t work Paint the Fence.
Signing off for now but I will be back with more This and That. Hey…Where are GQ’s Glasses?
I am so embarrassed.