The Midlife Crisis… Is there really such a mystical condition? I think there must be, isn’t the fact the term exists proof enough that the condition is real?
If the condition does exist; I would argue that others might sink to such a demoralizing state, but not your favored Grayquill. Surely, he is above such nonsense.
Yes, I did buy a motorcycle when I was in my fifties but heck I bought it at a garage sale – does that really count? It shouldn’t because I paid cash and isn’t going into debt one of the requirements of a midlife crisis? It seems to me that since I did not go into debt, then the motorcycle shouldn’t count. That certainly seems reasonable and rational to me.
Mrs. GQ might argue that a short time later when I took my garage sale find off road, and I came to a place on the ride where it became necessary to bail off the bike into a ravine onto hard river rock breaking my arm, resulting in a three day hospital stay; was the result of a mid-life crisis. Well, she is just plain wrong. That was a simple accident, after all vehicle accidents have been quite a common place in my life. Therefore that would just be a stupid argument with no merit or validity. I would have to say once again, “Not my problem.”
Later I was accused of being in a mid-life crisis when weeks before my dog died and the crows were eating his untouched dog food. I spent meticulous effort planning and setting up surprise moments when I could slay the thieving pests. Surely, this cannot be counted as part of a mid-life crisis. Sure it might have been a bit boyish but it was an all important and necessary step in keeping nature in balance. The laser scope, at-top a balanced 1,500 ft per second chrome plated pellet gun was required just to make it fair – Crows are smart. The gun is not part of the problem, thank you very much.
Now, I will give into one argument that there might be a slight indicator of this malady in myself. A couple of years back I began hiding my cookies. Just because they were not stored in the public, take what you want pantry, does not mean I have a problem. To break all myths of me hiding food I will tell all right here and right now - I keep my cookies in the bottom drawer of my night stand - No hiding! It is now all out in the open therefore that proves I don’t have a problem.
Some of you negative thinkers might be thinking, ‘Nope, Grayquill has a real problem.’ So, to assure the most critical reader there is no problem – the drawer is empty at this moment. Hah! That might mean I moved the cookies to a new hiding spot in the chance Mrs. Grayquill, my niece, or one of my adult children could read this post and go searching for my goodies. But, I want to assure all of you Grayquill does not have a problem. If you think I do, it is in your mind only, and therefore you are the one with the problem – are we clear?
So now that is all settled, is there a lesson here? Of course there is – this little discussion as hard as it was, was healthy and should now end all rumors that Grayquill is in or ever was in a mid-life crisis. I hope you all have learned your lesson.