Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Midlife Crisis

The Midlife Crisis… Is there really such a mystical condition? I think there must be, isn’t the fact the term exists proof enough that the condition is real?
If the condition does exist; I would argue that others might sink to such a demoralizing state, but not your favored Grayquill. Surely, he is above such nonsense.

Yes, I did buy a motorcycle when I was in my fifties but heck I bought it at a garage sale – does that really count? It shouldn’t because I paid cash and isn’t going into debt one of the requirements of a midlife crisis? It seems to me that since I did not go into debt, then the motorcycle shouldn’t count. That certainly seems reasonable and rational to me.
Mrs. GQ might argue that a short time later when I took my garage sale find off road, and I came to a place on the ride where it became necessary to bail off the bike into a ravine onto hard river rock breaking my arm, resulting in a three day hospital stay; was the result of a mid-life crisis. Well, she is just plain wrong. That was a simple accident, after all
vehicle accidents have been quite a common place in my life. Therefore that would just be a stupid argument with no merit or validity. I would have to say once again, “Not my problem.”
Later I was accused of being in a mid-life crisis when weeks before my dog died and the crows were eating his untouched dog food. I spent meticulous effort planning and setting up surprise moments when I could slay the thieving pests. Surely, this cannot be counted as part of a mid-life crisis. Sure it might have been a bit boyish but it was an all important and necessary step in keeping nature in balance. The laser scope, at-top a balanced 1,500 ft per second chrome plated pellet gun was required just to make it fair – Crows are smart. The gun is not part of the problem, thank you very much.
Now, I will give into one argument that there might be a slight indicator of this malady in myself. A couple of years back I began hiding my cookies. Just because they were not stored in the public, take what you want pantry, does not mean I have a problem. To break all myths of me hiding food I will tell all right here and right now - I keep my cookies in the bottom drawer of my night stand - No hiding! It is now all out in the open therefore that proves I don’t have a problem.
Some of you negative thinkers might be thinking, ‘Nope, Grayquill has a real problem.’ So, to assure the most critical reader there is no problem – the drawer is empty at this moment. Hah! That might mean I moved the cookies to a new hiding spot in the chance Mrs. Grayquill, my niece, or one of my adult children could read this post and go searching for my goodies. But, I want to assure all of you Grayquill does not have a problem. If you think I do, it is in your mind only, and therefore you are the one with the problem – are we clear?
So now that is all settled, is there a lesson here? Of course there is – this little discussion as hard as it was, was healthy and should now end all rumors that Grayquill is in or ever was in a mid-life crisis. I hope you all have learned your lesson.


Asif said...

Hey nice read...I'm sorry to say that I find this particular post of yours a bit complicated to understand it in the real sense. But I loved the way you expressed about the cookie hiding :)
It looked as if you were telling short story to little children. :)

Anonymous said...

Whoever is accusing Grayquill of mid-life crisis??? "Pah!" I say.

Let me say on behalf of all his readers (myself and the mute ones that will not comment on this post), that Grayquill is NOT facing a mid-life crisis. We ought to know. We read his blog for Pete's sake.

I mean the guy rides bikes into ravines, shoots pellets at crows and hides and re-hides cookies. Does that sound like mid-life crisis to you? I think not!

Grayquill has long passed that stage. Some good ten years back, if not more.

So chill Grayquill. You are still cool! ;)

Arkansas Patti said...

If it is, and I am not saying it is, but if it is mid-life crisis, I say, just enjoy for it preceeds "second childhood" which I am throughly enjoying right now. SC lasts much longer and has cooler rules.

Pat said...

Since when is hiding cookies realted to mid life crisis? I think it's just an extrodinary love of cookies, and not wanting to share them or be held accountable for the number you eat syndrome. I see no problem with it.
Now buying a Corvette, chasing after 20 somthing barbie dolls and wearing your pants hanging off your knees...that's a midlife crisis. Hiding cookies...no way.
I've re-thought the Corvette...I wouldn't mind having one and I'm by no means having a mid life crisis...I'm too old!!

Sylvia K said...

At my age I can't remember whether I had a midlife crisis or not, but then I can't remember the last time I had much of anything if it was more than six hours ago -- ah, the joys of old age. And hiding/eating cookies just shows cleverness and good taste!! Nope, no midlife crisis! Now, go get some cookies!! And enjoy!!


Lynda G. said...

None of this sounds like mid-life crisis to me. :D
NONETHELESS....If mid-life crisis involves cookie eating...goodness, I am guilty of mid life crisis too! HAHA! SIGN ME UP!

Grayquill said...

Asif: Oh my child - Thank you! :)

Choco: I think you are saying I am really old – thanks I think, not :) Yes, I have to agree that time is long past – darn!

Arkansas Patti: I guess SC is a clear description of where I am today – Didn’t you know I read your blog mostly to find out the
cool rules?

Pat: Okay, first off – this is Grayquill world and in Grayquill world Grayquill doesn’t have to make sense. So stop bugging me about the particulars of proper midlife crisis happenings. Maybe I needed an extra example and it was getting late and I wanted to post this so I could go to bed and it the best thing I could think of. I think the Corvette is what

Arkansas Patti calls - SC (Second Childhood Rules). Go for it !

Sylvia: I like you more and more. Thanks for the permission. I feel so much better now.

Lynda G: Do you hide your cookies too? If not dnt ya think it’s aboat time, aye? If ya dnt wanta hide your cookies I guess you can go to Horney Tims for a quick donut, aye?

Blunt Edges said...

of course u have no mid-life crisis (MLC)...i totally agree...but the most important question is when Mrs. GQ told u that u were going through a MLC, did u actually say that its a "stupid argument with no merit or validity"? :o

if u didn't, bravo! :D
if u did, who u kidding? i'm sure as hell u didn't! :P

AngelMc said...

Do you eat those cookies in bed?

Grayquill said...

Blunt Edges: Thoughts are not always spoken and words are not always thought out. You will just have to always wonder:)

AngelMc: Only when I am alone.

Anita Jeyan said...

Thats def not a mid life crisis!! Thats just a cool heart lightening post :-)
Actually I read it first...I was online when u posted this one..but unfortunately I couldnt comment and be te first :(

Hilary said...

You're right about crows - they're incredibly smart. In fact, they've probably already found your new cookie hiding spot.

Husband Clothes said...

Very clever how you faked out potential cookie smugglers by using the drawer as a decoy to keep the real hiding place a secret! The laser scope and slaying of thieves stealing dogfood...that reminds me of the battle you had with the rat (you blogged about that some time ago...Man that was funny to read)!!! The battle with the rat wasn't a midlife crisis, which seems to imply that this one probably isn't either.