I guess my most recent Homer experience was two Saturdays ago. I decided to change the direction our refrigerator doors opened. I have wanted to do this for a while - 12 years, but who’s counting. You see we had a house fire which in part required a new refrigerator and when the new refrigerator arrived the doors opened toward the eating area instead of the kitchen. Well that’s not very efficient is it? Of course it’s not. Regardless, we as a family adjusted to the awkward opening, and the changing of the door opening on the yard stick of priorities, sat at about the 28” mark. Hmmm…I guess that means 28 inches equals 12 years, 2 inches per year. (Yeah that’s about right. There’s some Homer logic).
Okay, sorry back to work. Of course my tools were laid out in perfect order. The thought of removing any of the items from the inside of the refrigerator door crossed my mind but why would I do that? A total waste of time! Like most men I am into efficiency. No real man wants to get bogged down with unreasonable and wasted efforts.
All was going extremely well. When in entered a house guest, a young lady in her early twenties - D’OH! I had the top freezer door off by now and was working on the larger bottom refrigerator door. Of course in her curiosity she kept asking ridiculous female questions. “Like, what are you doing? Do you want any help? Do you want me to hold the door? Don’t you think you should take all that stuff off the shelves from the inside of the door?” Yeah, right why would I want her help? I know what I am doing. Doesn’t she realize, I have lived like at least two life times compared to her one measly short life? I know things!
I guess it was either her endless questions or the weirdness of a young attractive female talking to me. Regardless I must have lost my mind - I pulled the main pin out of the top hinge. Yip, you guessed it. The door fell smack right on to the floor. Pickles, mustard, mayonnaise jars, things that had been in the refrigerator before she had even hit her teen years, all went flying across the room. She screamed and then began laughing a little bit too hard. Of course, she had to remind me she had just asked me if she could hold the door. What a mess. Well thankfully my niece came in soon and rescued me by taking the house guest some place young women go on Saturday mornings, probably the mall or maybe to get their nails done.
Who cares right? Just being free of idiotic distractions I now was able to focus and complete the task.
My only issue now comes when late at night and the lights are out. I reach for the handle of the refrigerator door, It isn’t there…D’OH!