Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Rat attack…

Have I ever mentioned I hate rats? In fact when I think about rats and cats together, I would have to say I love cats in comparison to a rat. And, it is a proven fact I do not love cats.
“There it was again, what was that? Did you see it? I think it was a squirrel eating Cyrano’s dog food.” My curiosity getting the best of me I climbed up onto the kitchen counter and peeked down at my dog’s bowl. There is was a huge wharf rat, probably a good 4 or 5 lbs, filling his stomach.
Quietly, I tilled open the window. Eased off the counter and in just a heart beat or two I was back. My 22 cal. pistol in my hand loaded for bear – I mean rat. My selected load was two rounds of bird shot in a magnum casing. Easing back up onto the counter I peered out, nothing. The horrid creature had disappeared, it was gone. Patiently, I waited gun in hand. My bride of two years sat curiously watching me.
“You aren’t planning on shooting that are you? Have you forgotten we live in the city and that is like go to jail illegal?” Putting my finger to my lips, “Shhhh...” I attempted to hush her. I knew the legality of discharging a firearm in the city limits – do you think I cared about the law at moment like this? There was a rat eating my dog’s dog food in the back yard! Stealth, quiet and patience were required. A few minutes passed waiting. Here it came, the devil himself sneaking along on four quick legs his long creepy tail dragging and swaying behind him as he stayed in the shadows next to the foundation of my house. I waited…. closer…waited….closer…waited….took careful aim, the adrenalin was really beginning to pump. BANG!!

Dang…I only wounded it. He was heading back the way it had come, dragging its hind legs. Out the front door I went in a full sprint, barefooted. I headed around the house, grabbed my shovel as I rounded the corner and there we met. A meeting, called to order by my shovel. The adrenalin now fully engaged was affecting my aim. I swung that shove down hard totally missing the rat. He stood on its back legs hissing a horrible demonic scream at me. Again the shovel came down adjusting my aim and giving it a glancing blow. Now the fight was on. The screeching grew louder the shovel was a blur of up and down hacks as the rat move left then right. One of out of every five attempts met its target. But the rat was moving in on me. Terror gripped me as my poor unprotected bare feet were becoming vulnerable. I backed away hacking desperately. Left then right, in desperation one of my heaves stopped the attack. Again and again I hit at the rat being sure his demise was permanent.
Finally, it was over. My legs were shaking badly making it hard to walk. Leaving the rat where he lay. Weakly I hobbled back to the front door where my wife stood with an alarmed look on her face. I felt a little dizzy my whole body was shaking as the adrenalin began to subside. After several minutes to collect myself and to give a very hyper rendition of the blow by blow encounter. Shoes were now well laced and I went to bury the creepy creature. Still, not sure it was dead I poked at it with my shovel. It was indeed dead. I picked him up with my shovel. My original estimate of size was accurate. His head hung off one side and its back legs hung off the other the tail dragged the ground to where I placed him deep in the soft dirt in the far corner of the garden.
I had hunted and shot, deer, bear and mountain goat but none of them had given me such a fright as that rat. Did I happen to mention I hate rats?

21 comments:

blunt edges said...

OMG...dats so hilarious...lol :D:D:D

i totally understand wat u went thru...i had an almost identical experience once n hv blogged abt it too...check out if time permits:

http://blunt-edges.blogspot.com/2009/06/jhumbalaka-jhum.html

n luved ur profile description...esp d cat bit...cool blog dis :D

Choco said...
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Betty said...

Ew! Eeeeeeeeeeeeuuuuuuuuuw!

Grayquill said...

blunt edges: Not so funny at the time but a day or so later - maybe more embarassing than funny. Although the wife has laughed at me plenty over the situation.
I will head over and read your post.

Choco: I am sorry I have disapointed you! But we both knew that was unavoidable, after all, all men are pigs.

Betty: My feelings exactly

Joy Des Jardins said...

You did all that in bare feet? You are a brave soul Grayquill. Eeeeeeuuuuuuwwww indeed. Cripes...I hate rats!! ~Joy

Michele said...

Yikes!! I have never seen a rat in "real" life, mice scare me to death! Reminds me of the time my husband and a possum had a tussle, husband and shovel won!
~Michele from By your Side

Grayquill said...

Joy Des Jardins: YES! A fellow rat hater -THANK YOU!
Barefeet was not by choice. Brave? - Hah. I was scared to death.
Thanks for stopping by! I hope to see you again.

Michele: GO! MICHELE'S HUSBAND! Possums are mean! Give me a Shotgun Please! Double barrel.

Holly Kay said...

"Now the fight was on." You actually wrote this referring to you and a rat. Hilarious. I realize you think this little battle was perfectly sane, so no need to try to convince you otherwise. By the way, you didn't share your bride's reaction to your victory (though I think I can imagine it even without you confirming)...

Grayquill said...

Holly - you weren't there, so stop it. It was a fight I am telling you. If the angels had not been on my side I would probably be dead right this minute from a case of rabies. As to my wife's reaction, this is my blog and we aren't going to talk about it.
Oh, I am so embarrassed.

Nicky said...

Okay that was funny! I had a rat problem once and I used some rat poison - they were gone without a trace. :D

Next time - try that :D

Grayquill said...

Nicky: Your new! Yahoo! Thanks for stopping by.
Sadly to say this in not my only rat story. I have dozens. Well maybe 10's or... maybe 10 or it could be just 5.
Regardless I have used the poision, and yes it works.
I hope to see you again.

Michele said...

The best part of the possum story is Hubs trying to burry the poor thing, we live in an area aptly named Rockwood!

@Choco - Have you ever seen a possum? Now I am usually quite the pacifist, but ewww, they are nasty, mean and just plain ugly! Sorry!

As the Mind Meanders said...

LOL... You killed the rat... but look... it still haunts you...

Grayquill said...

Mr. Mind Meanders - the bad dreams had stopped. But then Choco came along and now they are nightmares.


Choco: Our possums look more like this. This possum is happy it was a good hair day. http://www.usanimalcontrol.com/opossum.jpg

Choco said...
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Choco said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Grayquill said...

Choco: You are suspicious. Surely, you would know it is a proven fact that those working at US Animal Control only know trapping and such, Photoshop would not be in their skill set. I can't decide if you are completely stubborn or just unusually twisted. Hmmm...Maybe both – HA!

Choco said...

There you go. Problem solved...

Grayquill said...

I give you the last word - why would it be any other way?

pawan said...

This is my first comment on your blog Grayquill and I thoroughly enjoyed it!
It was quite hilarious and it is quite funny that you are afraid of rats but down here I have been in many situations with hoards of rats surrounding me!. I'm just can't imagine you in the situation then!

A good work man!
Will be coming back for more!

Grayquill said...

pawan: Thanks for making the effort. Hoards of rats? Where? How? Why? When? I want to hear about that. I hope to hear from you again.