Sunday, December 13, 2009

Lazy Bad Men

Men being bad and lazy come in all sorts of shapes and sizes. This morning at breakfast with the guys, conversation rolled along and at some point stories began being tossed back and forth of times when money was tight, creativity was fresh and boundaries of impropriety did not hold back less than impeccable conduct – all in the effort to make a lady think fondly of us men.
Here are a few highlights - - -
#1 Flowers for his lady from the dumpster behind the neighborhood flower shop – Friday the old flowers went in the dumpster and the new flowers arrived. This is my second favorite, it is almost brilliant!
#2 Flowers from the cemetery. After all – the poor soul has little or no use for them. If one looks carefully the flowers can be fairly fresh and FREE! Hmmm… I have a cemetery close by.
#3 This idea seemed good on the surface but ended badly for the husband. A man bought a contract from a flower company to have flowers delivered every Monday for a year to his wife. By week three she was board and the flowers were meaningless. He planned ahead but lost the benefit of, “Oh! You thought of me, you think I am special,” factor. There is also the, “I am no more important than something to be checked off your list.” This particular case won the bone head award – First he spent all that money and got nothing from it – reason enough to push it to the top of things never to do list.
#4 Valentine’s day – The gift was bought the day before Valentine’s Day but only because he happened to stop at an intersection where a guy was selling stuff alongside the road and it was convenient – her comment with almost tears in her eyes, “you planned ahead” – correct male response – smile and nod.
#5 The best way to buy your lady a gift – call the sales lady at your wife’s favorite store. Give the sales lady a price range, ask her to pick something out, wrap it, and request it be left with the door man. This way you can get said gift without actually going into a store or mall and maybe without even getting out of your car. Excellent time management and was deemed likely to have a high success ratio with the ladies. Think about it - Its wrapped and will probably even have ribbon or a bow on it somewhere. This will even work for the procrastinator.
Ahhh…Christmas is just around the corner. What should I do?

16 comments:

Sylvia K said...

Hey, you've just given me some great ideas for Christmas! Think I'll begin checking out the dumpsters around town tomorrow!!!

Fun post -- and there are lazy bad women as well!

Have a great week!

Sylvia

Susan Deborah said...

Gosh! I knew all this existed but then when you are saying all this with so much gusto and elan . . .

Men are boys who never grow up! Very true.

Joy always,
Susan

Arkansas Patti said...

I guess the good thing is that you are thinking about it so early. She has to be use to you by now so I doubt you can fail too badly.
After dumster flowers, surely her expectations are low.
Good luck :))

Pat said...

I have a feeling you'll come up with something even better then these ideas you've shared. You seem to be a man with a plan!

The Survivor said...

Good Thinking and tips too :)

blunt edges said...

jotted it all down...thanks 4 the tips...pity on the guy who tried out the contract thing!

moral of the story: if u wanna be noticed, don't overdo!

Anita :) said...

GRR Grayquill...!! WHen it comes to the gift part, u are still that college guy! Oh no Grayquill! Spend some time with her, and buy her some items for decorating the Christmas tree ...and appreciate her for decorating it and say a good word for whatever she bakes for Christmas.. :)

Amrita said...

Oh this is super.

George Verwer - fouder of Operation Mobilization (OM) took his would-be wife on a first date, he did not have any money for a treat. They were in a park and he saw someone chuck in a packet of sandwiches in a garbage bin, he fished it out and they ate it!!! He writes about it in his book.

Karthik said...

Whoa! These are great. I'd never heard such things before. Time management, money management, and also lady management!! Awesome! You rock! :)

Grayquill said...

Sylvia K: What do lazy bad women do? Now that sparked my interest – HA!

Susan Deborah: Hmmm….not sure what to say about that. I know now and then I hear my wife say, “Will you grow up!!!!” Does that count?

Arkansas Patti: Keeping expectations low. Hmmm… I am not sure that has worked out all that well for me.

Pat: That is a very nice thought – I will let you hang illusion.

The Survivor: I am glad to offer great tips -
anytime.

Blunt Edges: Warning – tread softly and keep secrets – that is the only hope.

Anita: I think I might have to start listening to you – you are making way to much sense.

Amrita: That is desperate – I think I am glad I already had dinner.

Karthik: Now you are miles ahead of the competition – You are welcome

Debra said...

So funny! I don't know about these other ladies, but I'll take a pretty present any way I can get it! Of course this comes from someone who bought her husband work socks for christmas one year! LOL! Ya'll have a Merry Christmas GQ!

Anita :) said...

Yeah I would make some sense to you now...cos its my first wedding anniversary this month,,! Like I am one to advice u...hehe...but I really made sense , dint I? Ahem..

Ashley said...

Now Now Grayquill...Even if there is some lone male out there..who is a thoughtful gifter...This post will definitely convert him...

Grayquill said...

Debra: Work Sock? What’s wrong with that – sounds real logical to me.

Anita: Yes, you did make sense – Congratulations on your first year!

Ashley: Wow – such power – I had no idea. Yahoo!

MA Fat Woman said...

Can't go wrong with any of those suggestions.

Mary said...

Creative ideas one and all, Quill--you are a genius! I know you'll make a hit this Christmas.