Saturday, November 14, 2009

Happy Marriage - Top 10 Male Traits Needed

Top 10 things a man should know and accept before getting married.

Inspired by Anita from her Top Ten Husband Myths

I dedicate this to the young men who pass by this way now and then.

Okay, let’s get to it – Oh just so you know none of these 10 points below apply to Mrs. Grayquill (see point 3).


1. You must never say – “I never said that” if she said you said it, you said it.
2. You must never say – “that is just not logical” Male logic is useless. Female logic is that time once a month when she will tell you she has complete and total clarity. Try hiding.
3. Understand and accept that a happy wife makes for a nice life in contrast a cranky wife makes for a sad life.
4. Develop the skill of mind reading this equates to survival – if she actually has to tell you something she needs – it will be meaningless when you do it and it could actually be held against you.
5. Realize the three most important words you need to know in the English language are “I am sorry.” These three words must be practiced so that you can say it with conviction even when you have no idea what it is you are sorry about.
6. Learn to tell yourself you are in-charge in-spite of massive evidence to the contrary. Denial is a must for keeping ones manhood intact.
7. Do not think for a minute, that the infraction you did 6 months ago or 6 years ago is forgotten.
8. Realize that what you did is not a small thing regardless of how insignificant you thought it was. Remember a woman can say to another woman I see you wore your blue dress today. That single sentence can make the two enemies for life. Go ahead furrow that brow and scratch your noggin it won’t help you won’t be able to understand, it is much better just to accept it.
9. It is self deception to think that those flowers will get you out of trouble. The only thing that has a chance of working is whatever you buy must cost a minimum of one month’s salary; then you might have a chance but only a small chance – Good Luck!
10. Never, I mean never, think it is okay to belch or fart within hearing distance of your lady and if by some weird phenomena she happens to fart or belch pretend you didn’t notice. Why you ask? Just trust me on this one.

11. Bonus...it will help if you can stand on your head.

21 comments:

Ashley said...

Grrrrr.........

Anita :) said...

Have to admit its true :-(

Grayquill said...

Ashley: I hope the Grrrr... is a Grrrrr with a smile behind it - Admit it you laughed.

Anita: I will agree there is a thin thread of truth running through this post. And maybe a rope of exaggeration.

Riddhiculuos said...

hmm... Ok i do not wholly agree with all the points. But i find it reallly funny. :D Funnier is the picture of the man upside down.. he has a funny something about him.. heheh
about the three words a man should know:) U r right men often forget these.. hehehe and flowers work grayyyyyy comeon.. or may be they work only dating time.. later it is Money money money..
Funny for sure..good one :)

Karthik said...

I am enlightened. :-)
I'm going to bookmark this page, for I'm sure I need to go over it again and again to understand and remember perfectly. I'm certain these things are going to help me very much in the future. Thanks! :-)

Ashley said...

Ohk! Lovely post this. I am here to explain my "Grrr".
This is going to be long...

1.Is incomplete. It usually is “I never said that, I said this.” And yes. "This" is always a different way of saying "That"-Always!
2.Puhleese. Any logic is good logic IF it holds true.
3.And what does an unhappy husband/guy/boyfriend make? Please tell me. Kindly do.
4.One always appreciates thoughtfulness and sweetness. One encourages it too.
5.It helps to have a clue. That way you don’t keep repeating the same follies and saying the same sorry with the same false gloomy conviction again...n again.
6.Yes. I agree. Egos are precious things and should be preserved well.
7.This is the result of the saying sorry without understanding bit-Point5.
8.Yes. Point 4. Thoughtfulness and sweetness.
9.Again Point4.
10.Euwww. I refuse to even consider answering this one!

And yes Grayquill. I smiled! :)

Valerie said...

At the risk of upsetting fellow married females, I think you got it absolutely right. There's no arguing with a women! You made me smile as well so that's a plus for you. Enjoy it!
Great post!

NitWit1 said...

As a woman I agree this is the best recourse for my husband, although I will confess that a few ,miniscule, nearly microscopic, times I have been wrong, like NEVER! <:~O>

blunt edges said...

***glasses clinking***
to grayquill...4 coming up the wisest words i have heard in a long long loooooooong time! :D

Arkansas Patti said...

# 9 should be incorporated into the marriage vows. All funny and I am afraid, a smidgen true.
You sound very well trained.

Hilary said...

Some men have whittled it down to "Yes, dear." But yours is more amusing. :)

Grayquill said...

Riddhiculuos: Hey, if you are able to stand on your head when your 56 there will something funny about you too – so there - HA! :)

Karthik: Good Luck my wise son

Ashley: #1 Hmmm… you word twister you
#2 Exactly – where is the truth? That is the question
#3Excuse me make=result, ends up, consequence, fallout
#4 Who is one?
#5 What is a clue? And, if your man can master this principle you will never know he is not sincere.
#6 Finally we agree
#7 I’m sorry – dripping with sincerity
#8 Are you saying you practice thoughtfulness and sweetness when your man does your imaginary wrong?
#9 Yip proves my point flowers are useless
#10 We agree again
Thanks for your lovely comment.

Valerie: I am enjoying it – these times are few. Thank you!

Nitwit: Spoken like a fully confident woman who maintains the sisterhood.

Blunt Edges: Cheers… your wisdom in recognizing truth is a testament to your high IQ.

Arkansas Patti: I seem well trained? – It came with great personal pain.

Hilary: Yes dear…

Pat said...

Oh that it were that simple..for both sexes! Some good points, some silly, but all fun.
Mrs Grayquill must be very a fortunate lady to benefit from #9. Or maybe Grayquill has never needed to get out of the dog house. Is that possible? Naaaa.
As the lyrics to one of my favorite country songs says...."men. You can't live without them and you just can't shoot 'em...men". At least I can't live without mine! I'm sure Mrs. Grayquill feels the same way.

Grayquill said...

Pat: It's all meant in fun. And, me in the dog house? - never :)

Lynda G. said...

This is so funny and yet SO TRUE! I LOVE the photo!

As the Mind Meanders said...

@ Grayquill through Ash

Bit-points she says mate

HAW HAW HAW :))

I enjoyed the post Grayquill. Good fun...

MA Fat Woman said...

And never tell her her butt is actually that big and yes, honey, that does make you fat.

Grayquill said...

Lynda G: Thank you for appreciating the picture – it was at great risk to life and limb getting that picture.

Mr. Mind: Hmmm…
Thanks

MA Fat Woman: Interesting your name coinciding with a really important point that most men need to hear. It didn’t make the cut on my top ten because of course, I would never do that or say that (at least if I could help myself)

Mary said...

All in good fun, Grayquill--thanks for a few chuckles. Also for realizing in gratitude that my husband and I, after 42 years of marriage, are way beyond all this. Isn't that right, Dear?

Grayquill said...

Mary: I noticed nothing but silence in response to your question. Hmmm.... :)

Rose said...

Grayquill, your blog proves my theory, that if you stick with a man long enough you can train him properly. Unless of course you do like my friend suggested, get one before his eyes are opened. OK, I am teasing. It was a fun read! Thanks for the chuckle.