Have I told you the poodle do yarn? It was really my wife’s dog and I cared nothing about it. In fact I pretty much came close to hating the mutt.
Between the crapping, peeing and attacking me every time I wanted any physical affection… NO! - Not from the dog, Duh! From my wife! I pretty much wanted to kill the pesky animal.
I could go on and on about how this dog continually notched up high marks on my grief scale but for now we will focus on grooming. Back in the early 70’s it was $45.00 to get the rat-ish animal groomed. The long and the short of the story is money got tight and the dog got matted and began looking more pathetic than normal.
I decided to clip the beast myself. I only had a scissors. . . Arkansas Patti is probably gonna track me down and kill me after she reads this . . . . . Out of self preservation we will minimize things a bit and say I nicked the poor creature a few times. Yes, a bit of blood was shed but it wasn’t bad no stitches were required. I finally did give up and stopped the massacre, worrying the sad little living thing would soon be a sad little dead thing.
The next day at the office, the phone rings. “Hello”
“Yes, this is Grayquill.”
“My name is Mrs. Anderson from the Animal Protection Division of the Seattle Police department. Do you have a dog named Barkley?”
“Uhh… No, my wife does though.”
“Yes, cough... has Barkley been injured lately?”
“Uhh…” It is amazing the number of thoughts that can pass through ones mind in a millisecond. 'The scabbed up poodle flashed across the big TV screen in my brain.' 'What does this lady know?' 'Who ratted me out?' 'Yikes, I could be in some real trouble here.'
“…Uhh, no not injured - not really. Why do you ask?” Lying almost never works-why do us humans fall into it so quickly. Who taught me to do that anyway?
The lady began confirming all the information about where I lived, what the dogs name was, and wanted to setup an appointment to inspect the animal.
About the time I was becoming contrite the lady on the phone broke into laughter – it was my sister in law – Pathetic! Real funny – Ha Ha Ha… Now thirty years later she still laughs at how she got me. Can you believe it? She really thinks she had me all worried and scared. I of course keep telling her the truth, how I knew it was her the whole time and I was just playing along with her. Wouldn’t you think by now she would believe me? After all it’s me, Grayquill.
Just so you know the dog healed and my dog grooming career ended (mostly).
“Grayquill - step away from the scissors.”
“Who is that? – Is that you Arkansas Patti?”