Thursday, October 29, 2009

17 Accidents Part 3 (#12-#17)

#12 I had just parallel parked along Stone Avenue in front of a long time client. I unlatched my door and turned to pick up two boxes off of the passenger seat. A large semi-truck came by; the vacuum created by its passing pulled the door, the rear tires of the trailer caught the edge of my door pulling it forward so that it was now stuck open pointed in the wrong direction. I got out and made my delivery.
Returning to my car I was unable to bring the door around the correct direction let alone close it. I walked to a nearby hardware store, bought a wrench, removed the door, slid the door into the hatchback and drove home without a door. I got a few crazy looks – hey I was wearing a white shirt and a tie, what were they looking at? It wasn’t as if I was driving around with my shirt off, showing the world my great physique. People are so weird.
#13 Driving in snow to grandmas, three children all in their seat belts. While in our cul-de-sac, the idea came, ‘how far exactly is it to grandma’s house?’ The odometer was a mere 3/10 of a mile from being at an even 100. WHAT AN OPPORTUNITY? Easy solution with snow and ice, spin the tires really fast and 3/10 of a mile would be gone lickity split and we could start our trip on even zeros. If one would consider a plan longer than a millisecond before implementing said plans, things might go better for him. The decision had been made - the gas pedal floored, engine screaming, tires ripping ice into dust and the speedometer was reading a good sixty miles an hour while my car was doing a mere 10 miles an hour. Everything was going exactly as planned. While busy watching and waiting for the zeros to appear I failed to calculate my rate of increasing speed. A corner was coming up and a small hill with a stop sign at the bottom. I realized to late my spinning tires had increase the velocity of my vehicle beyond its ability to stop at the stop sign. Another decision was made. Take the turn wide and go into the neighbor’s yard. I missed the yard but nailed his mail box square and oh yeah, there was a ditch after the mail box that stopped my car after it had turned up on its side. My son was whining about his seat belt cutting into his side as he hung from mid air – at least he wasn’t crying. My oldest daughter was just rolling her eyes as if – dad is being dad again and how are we going to get out of this car. She pipes in, “How you going to explain this one to mom?”
All and all it wasn’t so bad, except the tow truck driver called the police and I was given a ticket for driving too fast under conditions – Jerk! But, even with the ticket the experienced could have been remembered as another great adventure, but the neighbors had to ruin it. Did all of them really need to come for a look see? That kind of hurt my pride. Oh, there was also explaining to my wife how I put her children in danger, she wasn’t very understanding.
#14 On the way to church, rainy conditions, a driver in the oncoming lane is stopped. Being the typical Seattleite nicey - nice, he waved a driver from a driveway allowing her to go in front of him. She pulled out from behind a van trying to cross my lane and did not see me charging down on her. I smacked her good. The police asked all my kids if they were wearing their seat belts, which they were. Thankfully he didn’t ask me. I hate lying in front of my kids.
#15 At a stop light I had stopped on the cross walk. To remedy the situation I decided to back up. My radio volume must have blotted out the horn. I didn’t see or hear the guy behind me. Well you get the picture.
#16 Un-marked intersection police said if we needed him he would be happy to write a ticket to the one at fault. We both agreed we didn’t need the policeman’s help. Just so you know I was there first. It was clear as can be; after all he hit me.
#17 I backed into a light pole at the book store – this might not have been #17 but I just cannot seem to recall the real #17.
#18 When I said 17 accidents I either forgot about this one or it came after the count. I fell off my motorcycle and broke my arm. My friend says I can’t really count this one as an accident. He says, for it to qualify as an accident the motorcycle has to be traveling in excess of 2 miles per hour. Hey, I think it should qualify I went over a cliff and fell 10 -12 feet onto river rock. I broke my arm and it was my only accident that put me in the hospital. My friend also told me a cruiser is meant for cruising not trail riding which I told him, "I know that! DUH! I don’t think trying to slip by a washed out road on a narrow foot path should qualify as trail riding. Besides since when can a trail run parallel with a road? That just doesn’t seem logical.
Bonus material – Taking my kids to their bus stop; yes, a little late. Upon arriving I saw the door of the bus beginning to close. I pulled sideways in front of the bus so the driver could not leave. My kids are sometimes really unreasonable – they refused to get out of the car, something about being embarrassed. After much yelling and threats they did leave the safety of the car and embarked onto their bus. My one daughter still insists it was an embarrassing moment

16 comments:

Arkansas Patti said...

Your insurance must cost you enough that it would be cheaper to hire a driver.
Glad to see that the accidents seem to be tapering off now that the kids are grown.
Just an amazing testimony of surviving in spite of---

Anita :) said...

Whooosh! Steered clear of 17 road blocks! Good job Grayquill!

Grayquill said...

Arkansas Patti: Good point about the accidents tapering off now that the kids are gone. I like that – it was all their fault.

Anita: If I ever come to India, do you think your government would give me driving privileges?
Thank you!

Holly Kay said...

Oh my GOSH!!! You pulled up sideways in front of the school bus? Total humiliation...BUT still doesn't top the volleyball sleep fest.

This is just an amazing string of events (the many accidents). I never heard anything like it.

Valerie said...

Oooo This is survival at its best. I too wondered about the cost of insurance.

Grayquill said...

Holly Kay: Of course I did why wouldn't I - probably was late to an appointment.
As for the accidents, can you imagine how good of a driver I am now with all that practice.

Valerie: The cost of my insurance is fine but now that you mention it - I don't get it either.

Holly Kay said...

Did you say you don't get car insurance, or did I misunderstand your response to Valerie??? After 17 accidents, how could you not have car insurance? But then again...you also pulled your own tooth.

Ashley said...

Wow!
You are right! It is not your fault. Known and unknown forces are conspiring against you, while you are innocently attempting to drive...

I had a completely unrelated thought while reading this...
They can make a television series outta this...Now if only I could think of a good enough name for it...Thinking..Thinking...Will be back...

Grayquill said...

Holly Kay: First off isn’t it a bit past your bed time? Of course I have car insurance – It is against the law not to. I try really hard to avoid any and all behaviors that end in jail. Besides, I always obey all laws just because it's right. Unless of course I think it is a stupid law or the law was set simply to collect more taxes. Then I of course I break those laws on purpose just so I can exert some pseudo feeling of independence and freedom. Take out door burning - it is now a $1000.00 fine - that is only about tax collection - Mini-Rant.
I meant to say, I do not understand why my insurance is so cheap.

Ashley: Thank you! Someone who truly understands me. Where are all the others?
Do your thoughts often run out such random scenarios? Creative I will give you that. I am waiting …

Pat said...

No wonder your Quill is gray.

Hilary said...

#13.. totally cracked me up. You painted that one so well.

Debra said...

Wow GQ...wow! That's quite a string of mishaps!

blunt edges said...

moral of the story: NEVER DROP KIDS (yours or otherwise) AT A BUS STOP!!!

Grayquill said...

Pat: Ha Ha that's a good one - I do have my share of gray hair - at least of what's left.

Hilary: Thanks - I laugh at myself alot on that one.

Debra: It didn't seem so long when they were happening. But it seemed like a marathon writing it out.

Blunt Edges: Ha Ha - there is always a joker at every party, it might as well be you.
Oh...you're not kidding? Hmmmm...

riddhi said...

Are you accidental prone or are accidents' prone to you?

Like as Phoebe buffe would put it "It's not your fault"...
I seriously think it's not your fault. As paulo Cohelo would put it "When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it."
and I think when the God wants something "the entire universe conspires to make sure you do not achieve it"
In your cases the forces of nature or should I say the mechanical forces of science and technology involved in the 'automobile' tech have a manufacturing disqualification for the likes of you.
Hmm.. happens.. shit happens..
but, by the way the bus stop thing is embarrassing.. like i am on your daughter's side for this one.

Grayquill said...

Riddhi: Creative mind, you for sure do have. And so many quotes you know and from such masters of philosphy - very impressive.
Now for the crux of your comment - manufacturing disqualification...I think you forgot one important calculation in your formula. I have been driving for over 40 years. You see that is less than 2 accidents per year - that is really not so many. And considering I drove probably 12-20 thousand miles per year that is less than one accident for every 30,000 miles driven...There you go.

Lastly I see you are a traitor taking my daughters side - HA! :)