Saturday, September 19, 2009

Is That Shirt Dirty?

Rain tapping its methodic beat, swirling gusts ripping leaves from trees, fall is almost here. Grayquill has sat writing on many a nice summer day and finally he gets to write guilt free. Yahoo!! Of course there is that thing…. “Grayquill…GRAYQUILL! Are you listening? I would sure appreciate you doing your chores this week.”
Grayquill nodded and smiled, “Sure honey, no problem, have a nice day,” inward brief thought, ‘Yah, Yah, Yah…ugh leave me alone.’
Those points where differences and expectations clash are what? Conflict – Ouch! Mystery seeps and weeps with confusion how two people with such a wide gulf in expectations actually end up married.
Grayquill seems to be fine vacuuming once every six months to a year; whereas Mrs. Grayquill can only tolerate a vacuuming schedule that at a minimum hits every week. It should be set out right here Grayquill has never been able to test his six month theory, although he would like to.
How did these two ever marry? For the first twenty years or so, Grayquill reasoned, if she likes dirt less, we should use simple logic, let her follow her desire and vacuum to her heart’s content. Grayquill did his best to keep the vacuum cleaner maintenanced and operating smoothly. Under this set up Grayquill felt the world was in balance. Now and then, Grayquill would vacuum if guests were coming or if there wasn’t a kid he could recruit. Mrs. Grayquill noticed Grayquill was taller, stronger, and it took much less effort for him to vacuum. It did not take her twenty years to figure out this bit of wisdom but it did take twenty plus years before she finagled Grayquill into doing it regularly.
Laundry is another issue. Grayquill seems to think, letting it fall where he takes it off is a good plan. It really it isn’t so bad since he takes things off pretty much in the same place every day and a pile forms no more than five feet by five feet. His reasoning is logical. When it is time to do the laundry all the clothes are right there and easily rounded up. If something is going to be worn again in a day or two it is a total waste of time to hang it up, it’s right there waiting for him. Leaning over picking it up off the floor is so simple and such a big time saver. Some would say that clothes on the floor are dirty, hmmm….let’s talk about that. Now, Grayquill has heard from other men and he has noticed women do the smell test to see if something is dirty where a man examines the shirt and if there isn’t any hot sauce or some other blight on the shirt it’s clean. A man would never do the smell test because he knows his shirt will have some marking on it way before it smells bad. Besides, who is up that close to smell him anyway? It should only be his wife, right? Every man knows if he begins to smell, his wife will say something like, “Don’t even think about getting into this bed until you shower.”
Now that I have thought it through, I still have no idea how two people so different could marry but for the man at least, I conclude it’s a good thing. What do you think?
Gotta go - time to do chores. D’OH!

Oh, one last thought, if you are man who picks things up and puts thing where they belong...Grayquill thnks you're a girly man.


Arkansas Patti said...

It really is Mars and Venus isn't it? Think a lot of married men should have a separate house on the same grounds with a visitor's path to the main house. Once a year, torch his house and rebuild. Simple huh.

Hilary said...

I had an opportunity to say one of my favourite unknown authored quotes on someone else's blog the other day, and I thank you for giving me the opportunity to repeat it here. Methinks Mrs. Grayquill might agree...

"Women are from Venus. Men are wrong"

Betty said...

They say opposites attract. Maybe that's true in your case.

Debra said...

Certainly no girly men at my house. Funny you should mention the vaccumning thing...I throw my back every single time I do it!

Anonymous said...

I am with you Grayquill...Hate doing stuff around the house..Hate picking up my clothes..Hate doing laundry..What the hell is vacuuming anyways...Domestic help comes cheap to us-that's the good part about having abundant labor....Be thankful for Mrs Grayquill...If you had found someone like me, you have no idea how much work you would have been doing around the house! :D

PS: I loved this post!!!

Rose said...

Thank goodness for the difference's. Can you imagine how boring it would be if you were just challenge. I had to laugh at what Arkansas Patti said...I have been really tempted to torch that part of the house on more than one occasion. Lol.

Grayquill said...

To all the ladies who have posted - I have noticed the men have disappeared. I have come up with three possibilities on the matter. First they are true girly men and are now feeling emasculated, or they are single and I have now scared the daylights out of them, thus they are running around aimlessly looking for a place to hide, or third they are still in the resistance stage of their first twenty years of marriage – and the guilt has scared them away because they know in their heart that commenting on such a post will bring them one step closer to the snare that has been set for them. Oh, maybe there is a fourth – their wives have read this post and the men have been working their buns off catching up on chores gone by and the men have had no time to even read this post.

Arkansas Patti: I thought that place was our garages – please don’t torch it or try to organize it for us!!!!! Although I kind of like your idea – just think of all the new tools I could justify buying and the plans each year we men could make. Those plans would need to be spread all across the kitchen table for months on end, if that’s okay.

Hilary: I am pretty sure Mrs. Grayquill originated that quote.
Your comment reminds me of a question that swirls around in all men’s thoughts. ‘If a man is in the woods and he opens his mouth and words come out and his wife is not around to hear it, does that make him still wrong?’

Betty: No truer words were ever spoken.

Debra: That back thing was the excuse my wife used to finally get me to do the vacuuming. You women do thing alike.
I hope you are feeling okay.
Vacuuming Hint from a man: Only push the vacuum – no pulling, then your back will be fine:))

Choco: What makes you think I did not find someone just like you? I am pretty sure you and my wife are very similar on a couple of fronts – first both of you have no trouble at all telling us men what you think… Now that I think about it I can’t think of a second similarity.
Oh…and more work – AhhhhCKACKAKCKAKCKA stop scaring me.
Finally a post you love… is this good bye?

Rose: I would like boring for a bit… but then I would probably get restless and who knows what mischief I might get into.
Rose – step away from the matches. I am glad you appreciate the differences. My wife appreciates them too as long as I do my chores.

Hilary said...

Grayquill, that exact quote ran around in my head too. I debated commenting on it earlier on. I remember back in my Parents' Association days, I spoke that out loud to the women who were helping me process Pizza Day orders.

Me: If a man is in the woods, and there's nobody there to hear him, is he still wrong?"

About 12 Other Women: (a resounding) "YES!"

Thanks for the laughs. :)

Dianne said...

I've been divorced so long that I argue with myself over vacuuming! ;)

As the Mind Meanders said...

You are bang on with the Girly man thing...

I am proud of you and will treasure this post

As the Mind Meanders said...

P.S.: Has the wife read this???

Blunt Edges said...

lol...m with u on this one buddy...the vacuuming once-in-6-months thing is something i have actually tried n trust me m leading a darn good life :D

n i think the dropping-laundry-where-it-falls idea makes a lot of sense...after all there's gotta be a reason why gravity exists right?

Tall Guy said...

You are going to be quite busy man :P

Anita Jeyan said...

hahaha...comes true in every married couples case... and by the way...if the woman does not clean the way she does now, she is not manly..! And if the man does do the cleaning, he is manly... but end of the day, the house is unkept and even Max Aswell wouldn't come over!

Grayquill said...

Hilary: So, that said, A woman’s husband is in the woods and the woman decides this is an opportunity to go to the mall and there at the mall she finds her favorite Italian leather purses on sale for 50% off. She buys a $600.00 purse but only has to pay $300.00. When the husband returns he sees a $300.00 withdrawal. He is curious what happened to the money. When he asks her about the missing money, will she have a straight face and tell him the family actually has $300.00 more not less because she saved $300.00? :)

Dianne: That’s a good one – who wins? You are funny!

Mr. Mind Meander: That’s right! Man up all you girly men, toss a few cloths around.
As for the wife – Gee…I hope not! You’re causing me to break out in a cold sweat, my stomach is starting to hurt. She might read Choco’s comment and get some new ideas. Get ready I might be coming to India.

Blunt edges: Men are totally logical – I don’t understand why women just don’t see it. Isn’t logic universal? Six months – that’s good. Warning, if it gets to bad aunts, mothers, grandmothers, neighbor ladies, all start putting the pressure ton o get regulated and find a wife. Just thought you oughta know.

The Survivor: Why do you say that? You think like Mr. Mind my wife will find more work?

Anita: 1st off, no one wants a manly woman! Ha! Second, Mr. Max Aswell smells other dog’s private parts – I don’t think a little dirt will make him flinch. Ha! Lastly - Even in India this comes true – men vacuum? In Japan they don’t – so I’ve heard.

Anita Jeyan said...

hahaha true..! In India the word 'clean' is not known to men..Vaccum cleaner is unheard of. Self cleaning is out of question.

Grayquill said...

Anita: 'clean' unknown - that's a good one. Tell me....Self cleaning out of the question? Are you saying the men have hygiene issues?

Anita Jeyan said...

Who knows..! As long as we have deodorants hygiene issues (if any) are fragrantly hidden!

Grayquill said...

Anita: Hmmm... I think this idea is making itch