Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Weight Loss – Fishing Diet

The best part of fishing for a week and camping is a guaranteed 5 - 7 lb weight loss. It could be just water loss I guess so maybe I shouldn’t get to excited. There are two things about camping and fishing I hate, and both have to do with the basic functions of life. This is where my daughter would say – “filter dad.” Of course I am going to ignore her advice just to see what the consequences will be.
Don’t you just hate it when you are finally in your sleeping bag, warm, everything is zipped up tight and then there it is, you are awake it is 3:00 in the morning and you need to pee. I hate that! Getting out of that bag, finding shoes, unzipping the tent without tripping, dodging the roaming raccoons, and then taking care of the business. Now here is where everything can go sideways literally. Peeing in the dark can be bad. That small little twig, who knew there was a twig right there that could cause such deflection and change a moment of relieving to a shocking per-morning shower all over ones legs. A quick diverting of the stream – D’OH! Another twig. I am not saying this has ever happened to me but it could have. We don’t really need to talk about this anymore; the saturation of the subject is pretty much all wet and needs to probably just be changed like a diaper.
To avoid such a moment, dehydration is the answer. Before I figured out dehydration and cell phone alarm clock settings, I would use the old Indian alarm clock used by thousands very successfully for hundreds if not thousands of years. It’s simple and fool proof - drink a lot of water right before bed and then the urge to pee will wake you up right on time to be on the lake just as the sky is beginning to turn that light morning gray. The still morning air sets a tranquil mood along with a reverence for the beauty being revealed with each soft slow dip of the oars as the boat is pushed through the unbroken water. The little ones in the bow and stern huddle with arms pulled tight around bent legs trying to keep the early morning cold away and they miss the swirls breaking the sheen of several fish feeding on an early morning hatch. The fish will be aggressive and a limit is a sure deal.
Okay truth? That never works. A bladder really does not know when 5 am is, it only knows that it is full and needs attention. For me that is always about 3 am. Back in my sleeping bag with an empty bladder – the sun hitting my tent is now the new alarm clock and of course I missed the morning bite, along with breakfast, along with those magical predawn moments. D’OH!
Okay that was sweet but now I am older and my kids might bless me with a few moments on the lake now and then, but between you and me they really aren’t cute at all anymore. Second, I now fish from a float tube or a pontoon boat and finding a place to get off the lake in a float tube with waders and large swimming fins has serious ramifications – possible drowning – the solution, dehydrate yourself. Do I hear anyone saying bladder infection?
We will have to talk latter this is getting way to long. Sorry for not really having a point.

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