I wrote this shortly after the Haiti earthquake.
When the path is dark and the trail is crooked it is hard to walk straight without tripping. Many times trials have come, and dragged me along with his companions’ grief, sadness, and despair…. Here again I am at one of those times. The TV screen flashes images that scream accusing me again, that God deserted his creation and more personally me. Feelings, emotions fill the room strangling a faith that only a few days earlier was secure.
From my early youth I was taught the traditional Christian message. That God is just, completely righteous, perfect in every way, everlasting in his love, all powerful, and who is completely faithful. It was never a debate in my mind that I was a sinner, as I demonstrated regularly the opposite of God’s traits. I had no trouble with the teaching that my sin separated me from this righteous God. The Christian teaching that taught, God provided a way to remove my sin, and this I accepted. Intellectually, I understood He took upon himself the penalty for my sin, but an intellectual understanding is hollow, and in that hollow place, dance the demons that major in fear. It took some time before I could believe that it all applied to me and accept that the Father was rather warmhearted toward me.
I came to a place where the taught tradition became my personal faith; where I depend on the creator to be all that the scriptures say He is. On more than one occasion it has been necessary to choose faith in God and his goodness even though my feelings were telling me the complete opposite. Here we are, one more time where feelings are just not reliable.
These are times where old messages, old convictions, come and steer me along this bumpy path called faith. Memories of past struggles help pick me up and put me back on the straight path.
At times I get a bit peeved at our creator by His way of faith but I am thankful that he is fond of me.