Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Choose Wisely

The first clue that made me think my decision might not have been the best, was when I had to use my fingers to pull my lower lip out of my mouth. By feel, I lined up my lower lip with my upper lip. It felt right, but I was not certain my effort was successful. Walking down the hall I could hear voices. I was doubtful if I could talk. That dull ache in my jaw was already annoying me.

Two hours ago I had been given the choice, do both sides today or reschedule and come back later for the other side. Hmmm….at the time it seemed logical. I will do most anything to avoid a second trip to the dentist. What could be so bad about having ones complete lower jaw numb? I ran through the possible scenarios. Biting my tongue in half seemed like the worse possibility. It didn’t occur to me that talking would be so difficult and this drooling in public thing, did it really have to be part of the deal?

The nurses parting words were, “if you drink something hot it will help the numbness to go away quicker.” Was that a smirk I just saw cross that fully functioning face of hers? The way I felt, I knew drinking something hot was a bad idea, it probably would just end up in my lap. “You can also try exercising, getting the blood flowing will help dissipate the anesthesia.” If I could have raised an eye brow at her I would of, I wanted to say, “yeah, I will get right on that.” I really don’t think they should allow the emotionally disturbed, serial teasers to wear those blue jump suits.

With my chin drooling and drooping I wondered if this is what it felt like to have a stroke. I decided going back to work was a no good, horrible, very bad idea. I headed home. The drive home was uneventful and I was careful not to bite my tongue. I was pretty sure I was successful but I could not be entirely certain since I had no feeling in my tongue. Arriving home I went straight to the mirror to see if my tongue was intact and if my lips were still together. The tongue still had that scar but no new injuries.

I noticed I had no feeling in my right ear, was that suppose to happen? I wondered if the doc went a little over kill on the drug, did my eyebrows really need to be numb? Both seemed to be a long ways from my lower jaw.

On the positive side this might be an excellent opportunity to pluck all those nasty ear and nose hairs, pain free. Where are those tweezers? Ah, heck with it, maybe a nap is what I need. I wiped the drool off my chin and headed for the easy chair.

Two hours later: hmmm….everything still seems numb and I am getting hungry. Maybe I will try the exercise advice. Layered up and laced tight were the new pair of hiking boots I wanted to break in. I headed out for a 30 minute brisk walk. I got the heart pumping with the help of some short jogs and was back home feeling better.

The numbness was actually dissipating; I only have one small place on the right side of my chin that is still numb. I guess that exercise thing works. But, what is that smell? An odor that rises with heat…. Oh, it’s me. I would say somebody’s deodorant isn’t working but I am the only one in the room and besides I am not wearing any. The smell is not really that bad, let’s just call it a manly smell and forget about it for now.

All and all, sitting here with the numbness mostly gone, my conclusion is I made the right decision. No dentist for another year. YES!

I guess it’s time for some dinner and then maybe a shower.

I know your thinking, ‘did I really read the whole thing? Why? Why?’

Sorry.

26 comments:

Moannie said...

Poor you...a nightmare. Who would choose to be a Dentist? Most of us are terrified of them...sad fact. Although I love mine with a passion for giving me back my smile by filling in the Cheshire Gap.

Manly smell is good...when it's fresh.

Arkansas Patti said...

Don't think I have laughed that hard since I heard Cosby's version of a dentist visit.
Yes, I am laughing at you with only mild concern for your well being.
That nurse had a sick sense of humor to suggest drinking.An impossibility.
Thanks for a fun morning.

Linda said...

Oh my, GQ. I'm sitting here laughing, with tears in my eyes. A funny story and well told.

Sumit said...

Grayquill, I do hope you're feeling better. (I couldn't help grinning while reading your story, though.)

P.S. As Ogden Nash said, "Because some tortures are physical and some are mental,But the one that is both is dental"

Pat said...

I'm laughing right along with you. You are laughing, right?
I love the Ogden Nash quote that Sumit wrote in his comment. such an accurate description.
The good news is your good for another year. The bad news is...it's my turn.

Sylvia K said...

You do know how to make my day! And I am laughing! I do hope feeling has returned and the whole visit is just a bad dream! I do hate those dentist visits -- guess they're a better alternative than being toothless though!! Hope your year is off to a great start -- with or without the dentist visit!!

Sylvia

betty said...

Yes, I did read the whole thing, because "I feel your pain."

Sandra said...

My friend Linda sent me an e-mail that gave me a link and said "you HAVE to read this!" I'm guessing she thinks that because I had three wisdom teeth removed in May, so I can certainly relate to the "is my tongue still there" part of this post (and btw the part of my lower lip that was numb for a month or two, did finally regain feeling), but also because in November I was given a choice of having one or both of my knees replaced, and I too saw no reason to prolong the agony. So, dear GQ, I truly feel your pain, and I hope that, like me, after you get far enough away from the event to have a little perspective, you too will say, "Thank God I got it all over with at the same time!

Even though I probably didn't laugh quite as hard as those who haven't had similar experiences, this was still pretty darn funny. Thanks for the laugh. :)

Wanda..... said...

I have been away from blogging a few weeks and your post was a great one to come back to...I'm glad I read the whole thing!

AngelMc said...

Enjoyed your posts about your uncle.
I'm with you..grit your teeth (pun intended) and get it over with.
Happy New Year.

Ann Best said...

I found you through Arkansas Patti! So glad I did. I really did read this all the way through. And I loved it. I just posted a post about needed more humor in my life--and this is one of the places I'll be hanging out a bit now!!!

Grayquill said...

Moannie: Why would someone be a dentist? I am pretty sure being a psychopath is probably a prerequisite. It’s the only thing that makes sense.
I will remember that ‘fresh’ comment.

Arkansas Patti: I would have been disappointed if you weren’t laughing AT me…hey wait a minute, that doesn’t sound very good. Thanks for stopping by. I will return the favor someday and laugh at you. :-)

Linda: Thanks – I love how you relish my pain – I think.

Sumit: Good quote – a man of wisdom, obviously. Thanks for stopping by.

Pat: At least you’re not laughing AT me, like some might. I am sorry for the pain you will be facing.

Sylvia K: I hardly remember the appointment. My year is already better since the appointment is now in the past.

Betty: Seeing you stopped by has made my day. I hope you had a great vacation.

Sandra: A nice surprise…..Yikes! Your lip was numb for two month? BTW- Thank for the compliment.

Wanda: Thanks and welcome back – Where have you been?

AngelMc: Happy New Year!

Ann Best: Thanks for stopping by – I hope you find all the humor and laughing your need.

Hilary said...

Ack poor you. I'm glad to see that you dentist didn't numb your sense of humour.

troutbirder said...

Yes why? Especially since I have a periodontal appointment tomorrow and the words "oral surgery" might come up. Two years ago the nurse told my wife as I was being prepared to go under the knife "he will be conscious but not really aware" and my wife replied "so what else is new."

silverine said...

lol! That must have been a horrible experience. But then every visit to the dentist is :(


Happy New Year Grayquill. Looking forward to your wonderful posts this year too. Loved the picture in the header.

Shadowthorne @ Ramzu Zahini said...

Am typing this using my mobile in a McD far far away in mysterious Asia :D
I went to the dentist to hv my teeth scaled for the first time ever! The dentist was surprised to know that i never had mine scaled for years.

Shrinky said...

Oh you poor, brave soldier - I'm sorry, I don't mean to laugh, but hell, this is funny! I hate that drooly thing, so unfetching, isn't it (giggle)?

Debra said...

Oh my! I really hate doing the dentist thing! Hope by now you are feeling much better. And yes, I did read the whole thing! LOL!

Grayquill said...

Hilary: I was being serious, what are you talking about?

Troutbirder: Yikes! Your wife is NOT very nice but the truth is the truth. Good luck at your appointment.

Silverine: Thanks for noticing. I actually took that picture myself. But in actuality God did most of the work.

Shadowthorne: Never had that done – Sounds horrible. Do they have Big Mac’s in Asia?

Shrinky: Yes – so unfetching (great descriptive word)

Debra: Yip – I am feeling much better. :-) I hope all is well with you and yours!

Naomi said...

i did not wonder why i read it by the end, actually. i only continue reading things i enjoy, and i certainly enjoyed your account of a painful trip to the dentist. And hey, at least you got a story out of it. :)

Anita :) said...

Happy New Year, GQ. Lovely header pic...and I just read that u took that pic...It would have been heavenly to be in a place which looks like that :)

Yes dentist visits are nightmarish in nature , but it is surprising that most write ups on them are very interesting...like this one !
Cleared a thick cloud I started my day with, by reading this article.. thanks GQ!

The Survivor said...

I know how that feels, when I paid a visit to the dentist a few years back

Grayquill said...

Naomi: Thanks – I did get a story out of it. :-) :-)

Anita: You notice the picture – thanks! I hope all is well with you.

The Survivor: A few years back? Opps…time to go again. Sorry!

Mary said...

I can certainly relate to your well-told tale of a (nearly) universal experience for those of us fortunate enough (?????) to have dental care available. Love the way you write, with a sense of humor and a sense of the details that make your stories come alive.

Have to mention the previous post, too--your account of Uncle H's Christmas visit was charming, impressive, and affecting.

Dianne said...

did you know that the suicide rate among dentists is higher than any other group of medical professionals?
probably because they read posts like this and feel the pain they cause

I hope you're feeling better

If we lived closer we could get a nurse to come care for both of us - would you mind if the nurse was a hunky 23 year old man?

I Wonder Wye said...

Oh - dental work -- ick...and so dang expensive...