Monday, August 9, 2010

My Heart Belongs to My Daddy

The little girl’s face doesn’t seem happy, just doing. Because I know where, when and who is in the picture. There is little doubt that is influencing my projecting of the little girl’s feelings.
Where, when and who: Twin lakes, Colville Indian Reservation, a weeklong fishing trip Grayquill, Mrs. Grayquill, and daughter B. Also along are GQ's brother M and wife D, GQ's sister W and husband T. Neither couple had children. It is about 1983, my daughter B is either three or four years old and she was the only child on the trip.
The picture sends a small ring of sadness my way. If the picture could talk I wonder what it might say? The expression seems to say,”I am playing by myself and there is nothing I can do about it. Lunch is over and I have been told to go play. This is a vacation but it is for my parents not me. I have been brought along only because I live in this family. My feelings were not important. I am bored and I wish I had a friend to play with. The adults are enjoying their precious talk time. I am being ignored. I have no idea a picture is being taken of me. I am putting my egg container in my wheelbarrow. There isn’t even a sand box here. I am a little tired as we were in the boat fishing all morning and I still feel that wavy feeling from the boat. I suppose, Daddy is out fishing with Uncle T and has decided to leave me here. When dad is around Uncle T he seems to love fishing way more than me. I guess my sweat shirt says, My Heart Belongs to my Daddy, which is true, but I don’t feel right now like my daddy is thinking too much about me. I am only a little girl and I can’t do anything about my loneliness, so I will play with the few toys that they brought for me and wait.”

14 comments:

Shadowthorne @ Ramzu Zahini said...

... gosh, you are really gloomy today.

I was very lonely when I was little, mainly because there was no one near my age at the countryside we used to live. But I seek my own amusement and never ever blamed my parents for being alone.

But maybe that's what made me weird in the head and seeing things :)

Arkansas Patti said...

How funny, I don't see lonely at all. I see a little girl that is finally allowed to do what she wants without constant parental supervision and is letting her imagination loose in a new place.
That said, I was a daddy's girl also and would have felt that second fiddle thingy to fishing. Nice post GQ.

Amrita said...

Dear GQ you are a very sensitive daddy. Being th e fathe r you are an d you r loving family I am sure your baby was not lonely neither did she feel neglected.Kids like to left alone you know.

I was verty lonely during my childhood and growing up years. My handicaps also distanced me from people

Sylvia K said...

Lovely post, GQ, and moving because of your sensitivity. I have no doubt that she was entertaining herself, but probably did have some wistful moments wondering when she would get a little more attention from Daddy! I was an only child of parents who looked at me my whole life as though they wondered where in the hell I had come from! I learned to entertain myself and not to depend on attention from them, so I'm very touched by your words today. I tried very hard to make sure my four never felt that way. Have a great week!

Sylvia

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Betty said...

I was an only child, too, and left to my own devices much of the time. I had to entertain myself and I think it was good for me. I have been alone for much of my life, yet never felt lonely. That may be the reason for my reclusive streak.

Grayquill said...

Shadowthorne: Gloomy? Maybe, but I’m not seeing things yet – Hee hee. Got yah :) Lived in the country – was the property a farm or something else?

Arkansas Patti: :) thanks, you may have seen it 100% right.

Amrita: What are the strengths that you gained from having handicaps as a child?

Sylvia: My daughter has no shortage of creativity – I am sure she figured out some scenario in her play. I find your comment interesting. We learn from all our experiences and you took a hurt and changed it into something good as a parent. Good job!

Betty: They say one does not know thy self until they are comfortable alone. It sounds like you are there.

blunt edges said...

So how many siblings did B finally have??

And try as much as I may, I can't be mean on such posts! :(

Grayquill said...

Blunt Edges: Two (SC)

Pat said...

I just see a sweet little girl being busy. Most little girls are like that. Just busy with details while little boys are taking things apart then putting them back together.
I always wanted to be an only child...selfish, huh? I still don't share very well.

troutbirder said...

Interesting. I'm not familiar with how little girls think as there were two boys for me. Fishing, camping, and playing in the creek for them....

Husband Clothes said...

This is so neat. Boy, talk about sympathetic and seeing things from another person's perspective. I love this way of thinking about a child's feelings and thoughts.

Asif said...

Oh! That’s very sad to look at such a sweet girl being left alone to feel sad. I don’t know whether she had all those feelings at that time as you expressed but I really loved the way you came up with the feelings of a little child. Often people overlook such tender feelings of children but after reading your post, I can surely say you are not a person who can leave a small girl alone like that to feel sad.She might have never felt sad or lonely. You love your children a lot and you miss those days. Don’t you?

Wendy said...

You certainly have opened a floodgate here! I too see a busy little girl, not really sad, maybe wistful, but engrossed in play anyway.

Thank you for your kind words on my blog. Grieving is tough and you've helped me with understanding it a little more.