Monday, June 29, 2009

Uncle Thoughtful - Jujitsu Warrior

A year has passed; maybe now the fallout from such a post will be minimal.
I could see the red glow in the darkness 2:14 am - - - pounding - - - pounding… what was that noise? It was coming from downstairs, the fog had lifted and I was now fully awake. It was coming from the kitchen. Maybe it will stop I thought. What could possibly be going on? Why are they not in bed? A loud low voice, then a loud laugh. Who was that in my house at 2:14 laughing, pounding, and talking so loud? Was it my son in law up making such a racket? My oldest daughter and son in law were here for my youngest daughter’s wedding. This was so unlike him. Was he drunk? After what seemed like 20 minutes but was probably 2 minutes. I had had enough, I had to work tomorrow. Just because no one else in the house had to get up early, does that mean everyone gets to act like it is holiday? - And, that pounding, what the heck?
Fumbling into my jeans which were magically changing into full battle fatigues, I move toward the kitchen, the warrior emerging. Everyone was lucky I never took Jujitsu. Turning the corner there he stood next to my niece, a rolling pin in his hand and a pile of crushed walnuts in front of him. Everyone got real quite. All eyes turned toward me.
I have been told when a person is angry his IQ goes down several points and that is a real problem for me. You see my IQ is not that high in the first place and for me to lose even on point is significant. To lose several points, well that lines up to a real crisis, with that explanation maybe you will understand how I cannot really remember everything I said. I do know it wasn’t pretty and I didn’t hang the experience up in the hall of grand family trophy moments.
Even though my niece was obviously part of the mayhem, I find it interesting where I focused my wrath. I will not deny I have different expectations of young men then I do of young ladies and the expectations are higher for the male. Of course his loud deep voice that contributed to my waking might have been a contributing factor. All that said the young man got the brunt of my anger and a piece of my mind of which I really couldn’t afford to lose. Let’s look at the situation for a minute. First off the young man was a guest – should not a guest have a layer, a barrier, a sense that would say …I better behave because the man of the house may be a crazy man and know Jujitsu and take this rolling pin away from me and beat me to a bloody pulp.
I need to be fair to the young man now that some time has passed. You see the woman of the house, my wife, was also up at 2:14 am! And being the great delegator she is, saw a strong young man and figured to take advantage of him. I guess his big frame seemed like an excellent nut smasher. Now normally she would not delegate such a task at such an ungodly hour. But this was I guess an exception. We were having a wedding in just few days and the nuts were an important cooking ingredient for some delicacy.
The young man did get an apology the next day, the niece wanted to know why my entire wrath was focused on him and none at her – which, I really didn’t have much of an answer. The wife punished me in the way wives punish, and I tried being nicer. But at least I got to sleep soundly the next two nights. The daughter got married and she let me walk her down the aisle. Where the nuts ended up I have no idea. DO'H!

Saturday, June 27, 2009

Molestation an Unanswered Evil

Being able to mesmerize thousands, being able to sell the most music videos ever, being the most talented singer, being able to moon walk, having millions - excuse me billions of dollars does not give one privilege to hurt children.
Maybe I am wrong and 23 million does wipe away the pain, scars, emotional troubles of a small boy and give permission. Society seemed to be saying it wasn’t okay but then a death happened and the monster changes into a god.
Many have said to me over the years – you overreact because of your own experience. My response is always the same, “No, my reaction is not an overreaction, yours is an under-reaction. Have you ever thought that maybe your lack of education or knowledge is keeping you from having a normal reaction to this kind of evil?”
A famous quote says, “For the lack of knowledge the people perish.” Children are perishing and it is partly because of a lack of knowledge.
Very few societies deal with child rape and molestation in a manner that does not have a heavy fog of denial wrapped around it. Thus, allowing its evil work to scar and damage children from one generation to the next, and on and on it goes.
Part of the problem is that the risk to judge, question, and to say this behavior is wrong - is just too high. After all someone might challenge you and say you are crazy for saying something so horrible about such a nice, well dressed, rich person. Think about it, when a man in his 40’s has sleep overs with 11 year old boys and a society can come up with a reason that that is okay, the people in that society have gone terribly awry. There is not a rational argument that can be made that that is healthy or right. Quite the contrary it is unequivocally wrong. That behavior should be judged by us as a society and you should have the courage to do it.
Something to think about. Somethng else to read:

If you are a victim - I am so sorry! Below are some links you might find helpful:
No apology for the heavy subject - all comments welcome.

Friday, June 26, 2009

My Cat Just Stopped by...

My cat just stopped by to have a look at me.
Weirdly, this is what he does; he comes to me when he wants something. It is weird because I don’t even like him and he knows it. I guess we have an understanding - He comes and gets me when he needs something and in return he doesn’t mess in the house or try to sit on my lap or sleep on my bed. So far that has worked fairly well. But, it kind of irritates me that he won’t go get my wife or my niece when he wants something, after all they like him – for what reason I have a hard time conjuring up since he is a cat.
Now, I don’t really hate cats I just have no respect for lazy cats and I don’t want them bothering me, nor do I have any use for them. Seriously, have you ever known a cat to act even a little bit excited to see you when returning from a hard day at work? Don’t answer that, I already know the answer. Hmmm… I wonder if a cat is even capable of being excited – probably not.
This seems to me like a totally logical point of view. Everyone else has responsibilities and we all do them. Even my old dog that can barely hear or see will still run off the mail man. But, what responsibility does a cat have? That’s easy he is responsible to keep the area clear of rodents. Now just to be fair I haven’t seen a rodent lately but I know they are around. After all if the cat was doing his job I should have been seeing tracings. Most cats are so proud when they fulfill their responsibilities they will leave a tail or a head on your door step just so you know they are out there guarding the parameter and keeping the house and property rodent free. Nothing from this worthless cat – I mean nothing. Why else would one have a cat? They really have no other redeeming traits or value.
Well, the cat's stare is really beginning to bug me. I guess I better stop writing and give the cat his due. Even though quite frankly it should be little to nothing since he does nothing to deserve it. Hmmm…I just had a thought does Jesus ever think those kind of thoughts about me? After all he paid a high price to redeem me and I did nothing to deserve it – something to think about.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

A father’s day…

It is great to be honored by ones children.
Sunday was father’s day my two daughters were out of town but my son came by to see me. The conversation we had wound around through many subjects and past a few monuments. Along the trail we came to the monument of his minor fathers, the men who impacted him in his childhood. How grateful I am for these wonderful men.
The many hours he spent at different friend’s houses resulted in many hours of observing or at times direct interactions with these men. Some were good bad examples but most were good good examples. They filled in many holes and blank spots I either was incapable of teaching or just missed. Some examples were reinforcements of lessons I hoped to impart - faithfulness, loyalty, respect of women, trustworthiness, honesty, hard work, and compassion.
He talked about recently attending the celebration of one man’s 35th wedding anniversary and of the toast he gave to the man and his wife for being a good example of a good marriage. My son told me of times he notice J and L would disappear on a walk and he would see them returning back down the road holding hands, smiling and talking.
I can think back to a time a father told me about working alongside his son and my son doing yard work for many hours and the compliment he gave my son for being a good worker. But, I knew the real gift had been the two young boys doing hard work alongside the man and that day was a step or two closer toward their own manhood. You see I already knew about the many hours of work because I saw the glow on my son’s young face beaming with pride as he earlier had recounted the affirming words he had been given by the father for his hard work.
Another father was a very good business man and understood investments. Another man treated his wife badly and my son saw the pain and the shame. Another man was a hard worker but could also play. Most of the men were good examples of living strong moral lives and being men of high character. I am thankful that my son had other men who input into him what real manhood looked like.
He has these images and impressions of what manhood looks like and now I am so proud of the man he is becoming - a man of high character.
So, to the minor fathers of my son – thank you! You probably do not know you we being watched.

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Elite 2 Percenters

I always wanted to be a 2 percenter and today I made it into that rare elite group – Yahoo!
Well, actually I guess it was last Friday morning at 4:00 am – I am not sure what time zone. I turned my TV on just to check – yip – snow storms on every channel. I heard on the radio that 2% of the TV viewers had not done a thing to receive the new and improved digital signal. Well I am proud to be one of them.
I thought about that a little last night and realized I no longer have three televisions. I guess now I have one DVD/VHS display viewer, one DVD/Xbox viewing game machine, and one smaller room ornament.
I am pretty sure this whole digital – analog change is really just a communist plot and I am not getting sucked into it. Many of you are saying, hey, all that communist plot stuff went out in the Reagan years. See…that’s just what they want you to think! Then when you are least expecting it, they take away your analog TV signal. I guess that pretty much proves my point. Now don’t you feel foolish?
Have you heard about the latest communist plot? They want to give us vouchers to use as a down payment on a new car. Then they say they will destroy your old gas guzzling, pollution spewing car under the guise to stop global warming, excuse me I mean climate change. (Gotta stay up on the newest and most current politically correct terms) Don’t believe it, it is a ruse. That won’t happen the minute you let them have your car they will take it to some secret place and begin analyzing everything about it. In less than a week they will know everything about you, how often you sneeze, what deodorant you use, your fast food habits…I mean everything. It is so disappointing, I was so hoping Obama was not a communist.
You say they don’t have technology for such stuff? Well I am here to tell you I watch CSI Miami the other night and they can figure out everything, I mean everything.
It would not surprise me if they are even reading my blog right this minute - Damn communist!
Well I gotta go, heading out to buy a copy of Catcher in the Rye.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

It's a Miracle

Tough financial times come and go for most families. The creativity that facilitates getting through those times, often require outside of the box thinking and risk taking.
Growing up as one of six children, laundry was a big part of keeping our family smelling clean and everyone dressed up for school and church. There was a time when my mother had run out of laundry soap and money. The laundry was stacking up and the smell was turning from gray to blue. Being the good ex Mennonite she was, she prayed for laundry soap. Why wouldn’t she? God answered her prayer with a 25lb box of laundry soap and it was a miracle. Now wait, there are a couple of ways to look at this miracle and how God answered her prayer. You tell me where the miracle came into play.

Mom, listening to the radio and praying
about the finances, the lack of laundry soap, heard an advertisement by a local appliance store. This store was so proud of their washing machines that they would even do a load of laundry for you and those who brought in a load of laundry would be entered into a drawing for a 25 lb. box of laundry soap.
Now before I go any farther – I should say this is a true story.
My mom of course being frugal as they come, packed up the most critical laundry needs and headed to the store about five miles away. The sales person true to the advertisement did mom’s load of laundry but was unsuccessful in selling her a new washing machine. Mom was entered into the drawing and won the laundry soap – It was a miracle.
Now who was the marketing genius behind this promotion? I mean seriously how many people other than my mother brought in dirty laundry to the appliance store? Think about it. How many other people were in the drawing?
I think there is more than one miracle here. The first one of course is the award winning marketing campaign of doing dirty laundry. I am not positive but I have the feeling a professional advertising company was left out of this great plan. For someone to actually think this could work is a miracle.
The second miracle is that my mother had the courage to load up her laundry and lug it into the local appliance store. Her most critical laundry needs were met that day. A miracle?
The third miracle was that someone actually paid money for radio time to run such an ad and they probably paid to have it run more than once for my mom to hear it.
Then of course there is the miracle of the drawing – imagine the staggering odds.
Now when I reflect on this story I think there is one more miracle. And, that is that God cared about a woman with six kids who needed some laundry soap and that makes me smile with gratitude. One thing I have learned –when you are His whatever it is you are going through – It’s from Him.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

My Hat…

A hat is usually my friend. Normally, they serve me in so many ways, sometimes just a comforting covering keeping me warm, sometimes they make a great umbrella, sometimes they keep me cool, and sometimes they just make me look cool. Yeah, that’s right, cool, don’t be mocking me!
Now, that I have aged just a little and lost more hair than my fair share my hats are worn often. But, I got to tell you, advertising companies or sports teams on my head – I am just not into that. Now, if they would like to pay me to wear their logo on my head, well, maybe then we can talk. But, until that time happens I prefer the plain no logo hat.
There is a little bit of a problem trying to find a plain hat with no logo on it. Even my bike helmet has a logo on the back. I fooled them; a small piece of gray duct tape solved that little problem – Hah! Sorry, that was a little tangent I will do my best to stay on point. But that reminds me. As you get older staying on task is getting harder? Oops, another tangent. Sorry. Back to my hat dilemma and you might find this tid bit of information useful. I somehow realized somewhere there were hats, millions of hats, in probably hundreds of huge warehouses just sitting waiting to have logos printed or embroidered on them. Yip – you guessed it – Googled Wholesale hats. In lickity spit time I bought 12 hats all black for $1.75 each. Can you believe it? Now when my hat gets a little dirty I just toss it and put a on a new one. Jealous, right? I bet you are. I bet you have five or six hats, all with nasty sweat rings, rips, grease, or some other marred marking making them less than desirable. You too can have this clean dapper look. I will sell them to you for a mere $5.00 each. Kidding – can’t you take a joke? Okay it’s not a joke. Yes, it is. DO'H!
Well, here I was on Valentine’s Day and I had on one of my nice new black hats. My bride and I went out to a nice restaurant (Yes, of course I wore my hat – why wouldn’t I?) and we had nice conversation. Then later we came back to our special valentines’ day hotel room – Yahoo!
Every once in a while my hat really is less than my friend and details of the Valentines night will have to stay private. But let me just give this one tid-bit of advice. “Men! TAKE YOUR HAT OFF BEFORE GETTING INTO BED. That’s all I got to say about that. Hey, I bet you would look silly naked with a black hat on too.

Sunday, June 7, 2009

Christians that are Just Plain Irritating…

Since it is Sunday maybe I will share a few thoughts about certain so called Christians that irritate me. To be clear I am not including all Christians in this writing. just the ones who make up emails that get forwarded with manipulative statements at the end like, if you don’t forward this to 8 people in 8 seconds you will catch the plague and die. Then they tell me, after forwarding the email, I will receive a miracle or a blessing.
Who do these people think they are? How arrogant, to think they can say, the creator of the universe will do this or that. If I was them I would be a little afraid that I myself might get the plague and die. I think somehow they think this God is their little puppet. Don’t they remember that the God in the Old Testament wiped out complete nations? Maybe they should be a little afraid of a God that does things like that.
Now these people who forward these pathetic messages I do not hold to the same level of responsibility as those who originate them. I feel sad that they are part of it and allow themselves to be manipulated. I have been manipulated myself by either misguide or just plain evil Christians (now that’s an oxymoron) many times; maybe that is why I hate it so much. There are evil people in the church just like anywhere else so any of you who are reading this and say, see even a Christian thinks the Church is bad. Sorry, that is weak. People are screwed up everywhere you find people and maybe the church has more than its share – in fact any helping or service organization I think has more than their fair share of screwed up people. Heck, I work for one myself; if you have read my blog that should remove all doubt.
If you are a Christian and think you need to straighten me out – go for it.
Well, there you go, that’s what I think about that – do I think it will make a difference? No. D’OH!

Saturday, June 6, 2009

Really Smart People Part 2

Smart people again – I guess they are not out of my system yet. They say if you have to explain a joke it is a bad joke. And, I will not die on this hill, that all my jokes are funny, but when it is ridiculous I would think a smart person would get it and not take me seriously. Now I guess I should not remove from the realm of possibilities that I am the one with the problem. But, for the moment let’s assume that it’s everybody else.
One of my most favorite blogs is very funny and is written by a lady named Holly - sure like I believe that. I think her real name is Edna. She for the most part makes fun of her husband. So, as a husband myself I think it is pretty much my job to stick up for him. Let’s skip the story and get straight to the real deal. I made a ridiculous comment on one of Holly's latest postings about how tap water when frozen, all the additives and compounds in tap water multiply. A blogger who said he was a pharmacist had to set me straight on how that comment was so stupid. Well I thought that was the point. His reprimand made me question his credentials. I am pretty sure anyone who passed 8th grade science would know that my comment was a joke, so how could he really be a pharmacists? Now I am not saying I passed 8th grade science but the report card said I did. You can believe that if you want. (FYI-Holly is much nicer than I am and removed the pharmacist's post)
On another occasion a really smart person with a title had to set me straight on a different ridiculous statement I made about how some crazy eyeliner singer guy – Adam I think - could not stay on pitch. He assured me he was the best singer he had ever heard. This antagonist said he was a professional and assured me because he was a professional he knew for a fact this Adam character was always on pitch. Now granted a professional in the music business might not be all that smart. Have you watched Inside Edition lately?

Regardless of who is right or who is wrong, I see a trend going on here. Now Dr. Laura would say – when something happens once there is a good chance it can be taken as the other person’s fault (well it might not be exactly what she said) but if something happens several times and the same person is involved than there is a real good chance it is the fault of the person that is always there. Hmmm….I am pretty sure I am the common person in these two misunderstandings. Oh, there is a third instance and that is when my wife misunderstands me but I can usually mark that up to she is the common person.
Now here is the problem – what am I to do? Some say, I just don’t have enough to do. They think anyone sitting around commenting on blogs in the first place kind of proves their point. Well, I can argue that one away easy. Just ask my wife, if I have enough to do, she will give you a long list of unfinished tasks around the house. In fact I have a secret list of things she doesn’t even know about.
I guess I will say this – ATTENTION all smart bloggers with titles behind your names who have been educated beyond your intelligence – IT’S A JOKE!
Wow, I feel so much better – Okay, I am ready for all your nasty emails and comments.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Sitting Around in My Underwear

Every now and then the wife leaves on a vacation without me. No…she is not going anywhere – at least I don’t think she is – well if she is, she hasn’t told me about it. I mean she could be leaving, it’s not like she would ask my permission. I am just a husband you know and a husband in the – how do say it? It was easy when we lived in the 80’s or the 90’s, that sound just rolled off our tongues. So, what do you say now? Hmmm…maybe the 1’s? That sounds pretty dumb. It sounds so dumb I asked all the geniuses in internet land. One said the New Millennium, another said the noughties, another said the Turn of The Century, my personal favorite was “Wish we were in the 60’s”, then of course there were several that we don’t need to talk about. So, since there seems to be such a disagreement I am going to stick with the 1’s.
Now that we got that settled, I will start again. I am just a husband you know and a husband living in the 1’s who doesn’t have the…D’OH! Now I don’t know how to say this. If I say, “right to be asked” the ladies will kill me and call me a pig. Oh course all men are pigs –that was established a few postings back. Now I have no idea what I was going to write, Homer will you come help me out?
Oh yeah, I was talking about sitting around in my underwear in pure comfort. My wife does not allow me to sit around in my underwear, scratching, and farting to the beat of Wipe Out (that’s the 60’s) when she is home. Now this might seem like a tangent but it really isn’t …Have I talked about how we men need women in our lives to be the great regulator? I heard that term to describe us men the other day and I thought it was perfect. Women regulate so many things in a man’s life. Think about it, if men had their way, all men...okay, at least most men... well, for sure some men would be having sex 24/7 without any boundaries. Women regulate this behavior. The one lone nymphomaniac out there is saying, “That is not true!” Okay, so everyone can be happy; don’t most men want sex more than woman? Of course they do – isn’t it the man who is the pursuer? Yes of course he is. After all what woman does not want her man to pursue her?
You still think men don't need regulated? – well even if you are right, it doesn't matter. Women regulate and that is all there is to it. Look at gay men – who have no woman regulating them, so what do they do? You know what I am talking about, you have read the articles about gay men meeting for sex in rest stops, parks, public restrooms, bus stations, under freeway over passes and at all hours of the day or night – that is crazy behavior. Women don’t do that.
I just had an idea –maybe the government could come up with a tax incentive for lesbian women to regulate gay men. It’s perfect – it would stimulate the economy and it would make our rest stops, parks and public bathrooms safe again.
Back to my wife leaving on vacation, it has been rumored that when she leaves I will sit around the house in my underwear, scratching, watching movies, playing video games, drinking Coke and eating Ritz crackers until I fall asleep on the couch at 3 or 4 in the morning. There I will sleep a couple hours and then go to work. After several days of this behavior I am kind of a mess. When the wife is home, I never get away with such nonsense. Of course sitting around in my underwear, I have not been able to come up with how that needs to be regulated.
I use to think she was just a prude but now I can see she is fulfilling her purpose and regulating – God bless her.
They say unmarried men die several years earlier then married men. If that is true it is because they are not regulated or at least regular and of course that is another subject for another time.